This is something that no other attorney I know has talked about but that I have experienced in clients several times, and even felt myself! When you think about making a will, the first thing your mind goes to is your money. And, when you meet with an attorney, one of the first things they want to know is “how much is your estate worth?”
And this is where it can get embarrassing.
When you’re 30 or 40-something years old, you expect to be at a certain place in life when having a will makes a lot of sense. You always assumed that, by this point, you’d have a decent savings account or a house or multiple investment properties or college accounts for your kids… You thought that you’d have paid off all your student loans or that you’d be making enough money that you wouldn’t need to take out loans for your cars or have credit card debt.
Yet, the reality is – life doesn’t go as planned.
You don’t make hundreds of thousands of dollars; or, you don’t own a house; or, you don’t even have a savings account; or, you’ll be making payments on your student loans for another 15 years; or you’ve made a lot of money and have spent it all on…well, living life.
The reality is that life is hard – and it’s expensive – and you are just not where you always thought you would be by now.
That attorney asks how much your estate is worth and you realize – with shock and shame – maybe…. nothing? You do the math and have to accept that you have more debt than assets. Between your mortgage, your credit cards, and your car loan, there would be nothing left over for your estate after you die.
Or, they ask how much your estate is worth and you add everything all up, the results of everything you’ve accumulated over the last 2 decades and you realize – maybe less than what you make in a year?!?
How is this possible?! You and your spouse have good jobs! You make a decent income! You cannot believe that, at the end of the day, this is all you have to show for it.
Looking that attorney in the eye, emailing your financial statements to them, writing down those measly numbers in the wills workbook, you feel so embarrassed.
When you’re making a will or any kind of estate plan, you are forced to confront not just the end of your life, but your life NOW. You have to take an honest look at the money you have, the stuff you have, and, sometimes, acknowledge that it is not as much as you’d thought it would be.
You might feel ashamed of yourself for not being a better saver, or not having a better job, or having spent too much on frivolous things. You might be angry with yourself that you didn’t sacrifice more so you could pay off your loans faster, or that you didn’t hold off on that big vacation until you could pay cash, or that you weren’t smarter when you were in your 20’s and invested more in stocks instead of the local brewery.
Facing this situation can be embarrassing, but it can also be incredibly empowering if you let it. For one, it is a very mature, adult thing to do. Completing your will and thinking about your estate plan shows that you have the maturity to take care of adult responsibilities, even when it makes you uncomfortable. Second, evaluating your overall financial situation enables you to decide if you want to, or need to, change anything going forward. Maybe you can contribute a little more to your 401K; maybe you want to focus on paying off that high-interest loan; maybe you need to pick up a few extra babysitting or yard-work jobs so you can make some headway on your savings. Most of us focus so much on the daily expenses of life that we can easily overlook the big picture. Estate planning demands that you consider everything, which can help you see where you need to improve your finances and what changes to your lifestyle could make the biggest impact.
The hardest part of all of this is grieving the life you didn’t have; grieving the life you had once hoped for but never happened. We all grow up with hopes of being rich or famous or otherwise living the life of our dreams. And while I believe these lives are still possible (!), many of us have not achieved what we originally hoped for. And that can be really sad and can make us feel discouraged and embarrassed when we have to face for ourselves – and explain to an attorney – how little we have to show for the lifetime we have lived.
Dealing with these emotions and this reality is part of growing up and becoming mature in our finances, our families, our faith, and our futures. If you are feeling discouraged, use this opportunity to evaluate your lifestyle and consider how you want to live going forward.
But, don’t let this keep you from making your will! Don’t get bogged down in the numbers such that you don’t decide the bigger things – like what to do with your house; who to name as guardians for your children who are under-18; who should get the money in your checking and savings accounts… And, there are numerous other documents you should have in place, too, that have very little to do with your stuff, and more to do with you. You want to consider Financial Powers of Attorney for you and your spouse, Advance Healthcare Directives, possibly a Healthcare Directive for your children, and possibly a living trust if it makes sense for your circumstances.
We cover all of these things, and more, in the Wills 101 course.
Purchase the course today and start making a plan tonight.
